Questions

I am not First Nations. I have no visible disability, and the ones i have, that are mostly invisible, I’m not willing to medicate for. I have no children. Therefore, according to the people that deliver loans and give out bursaries, i’ll just have to figure it out.  I make 470 dollars a month and I am in school full time. I do not fit in any of the categories that would qualify me for more support.  Because of my less obvious disabilities, i can’t just work anywhere, and i am already feeling overwhelmed by the managing of my assignments and my emotional challenges. My father dying, a recent break in- and my daily round of triggers, through the tunnel of hell i call the bus, the classroom, most places outside my cocoon.  So why don’t i just medicate? I have, and i didn’t like what it did to my head, my heart, or my body.  So i wonder who School is for, clearly they try and make it accessible for people who have barriers, but only if they fit in the form, the check boxes. There aren’t any for me.  I guess i just have to figure it out.  I wonder if i’m a glutton, a masochist. This has been really hard for me, going there each day to this School, where i see people with different kinds of privelidge, and while i recognize my own for being there, my concern about where i’m going to come up with the rest of my rent, and how am i going to get food in the house, make me feel not so privelidged.  I wonder if i can break out of the poverty, if i can get past my lack of confidence in myself as an artist, to make something i feel proud of.