My first blog. Scary, sort of. Why blog now? I have more internal dialogue than is tolerable, and i repeat myself all the time. So if i start getting some of these thoughts out into the world, maybe they’ll change, maybe i’ll change. I’m having a crisis of faith and direction. A lack of faith that i can do anything else, make anymore of an impact on myself or others than i already have. I look over old interviews, read love poems sent to me, google myself, like i’m some has-been. I’m only 40. I’m doubting though and i have been for a while, forever it feels like, doubting that i can change, that we can change. I’ve worked, lived and volunteered in one of the poorest neighborhoods in Canada. I grew up in Montreal and Edmonton, and then back to Montreal and then back to Edmonton. When i was 6, i remember being in the lunch room at school and seeing a CARE commercial on the tv. Small African child, bloated belly, flies, we all know the image. I was eating a tuna sandwich, i felt sick, i couldn’t eat tuna for months, the kid in the commercial isn’t eating enough or anything. What happened though in that moment, was my first memory of things in the world not being just. How could i be 6 and be eating and these boys and girls dying from no food, how could we live in the same world, where i get food and they don’t? I didn’t really understand why until much later in my life, and i didn’t want the answer to be true. I didn’t want it to be true that some kids just aren’t as valuable as others, that brown babies, aren’t as precious as white babies, that the earth, and all the beings and species within it are commodities, that are given different levels of value and are treated and mistreated accordingly. I know it is true, it’s just not true for me.