I met with my friend Dave on Monday. We talked for 2 hours, about confession, exposing truths, connecting the dots about those truths, like how we got into this psychotic mess, and we talked about sadness. The sadness part was interesting to me, his take on it. That being sad is a natural response to what is happening around us everyday, and it doesn’t nessecarily require a diagnosis or medication, but maybe just a validation that sadness is an appropriate response to the state of our world. So is laughter.
Last summer, i started having what felt like an unusual response to sad news, i would start laughing. It would only happen around people i knew really well, and when it wasn’t someone i knew as well i would do my best to hold it in. I laughed at cancer a few times, the prolapsing uterus of my friends mother, and my own mother’s illnesses and depression. I felt crazy. I realized that this wasn’t a new thing, i used to laugh when my father would get angry when i was younger, nervous laughter. I had reached a saturation point. I have been hearing about death, disease and violence every day of my life, i grew up in it and i work in an environment where these are everyday community issues. So maybe its nervous laughter, or going crazy laughter, but i think its coping laughter. I think its how we deal with living in the daily war on people, on our cultures, and being wired into a system that we would never have willingly created, and its one way of coping with our role in maintaining it, willingly and not so willingly.
warning- related tangent
Sometimes i think that addiction is not only a cultural pandemic, but the greatest conspiracy ever imagined. A world is created where we tell people they aren’t enough. We have magazines, tv’s, films and radios blasting it all day long. Then we steal land and resources from people, who prior to our meeting, lived relatively well, then we build Gap factories on their land, and hire them for outrageously low wages and have them work in unsanitary and unsafe conditions. I get a cute top out of it for 20 bucks and then feel guilty, I’ll buy second hand, i won’t shop there, i flog myself emotionally , and then eat too much. When they were redesigning the corner of Main and Hastings in yet another effort to elminate the open drug market, i explained in the nicest way possible that it didn’t matter if there was a clinic around the corner where drug users could go or a safe injection site within the next year, the dealer and the user are a team, you may think one deserves your kindness more than the other, but you cannot seperate them, they need each other for the addiction to be maintained.