I know it will be hard, but i feel close to tears at the thought of doing nothing else but learning for the next 8 months. Looking after no one, no meetings, no taking care of other people’s children, no picking of my brain for free, no volunteering unless i really want to. I have not been in school full time since high school. I wasn’t really there anyhow. I didn’t think it was important, like a lot of teenagers. It seemed less important to me, because i never thought i was very smart. I do now. I think a smart person has the confidence to know when the knowledge they have is not enough, and they need to go learn more.
I have mostly practiced chaos learning. What do i do when someone is threatening someone else? How do i make this an interesting experience for these kids? How do i explain to this boy that the blue plastic tubes on the street aren’t drugs, and that drugs alone don’t make you evil? I know some of this is just life, we all learn on the spot, it is the best way for a lesson to stick, practice, practice. Every project, event, contract, and program i have done has happened because people assume i can do it and i am charged by their confidence in me. So i do the work, but i am always winging it, and it is exhausting.
I ran in to this women i know the other day and i told her about going to school, and she was really excited for me. Both her kids were in classes i gave at Strathcona Community Centre. I was talking to her about the plans for the kids garden, and she smiled at me and told me that i have always done such great things in the neighborhood. I was at the point of tears when i walked away. Its nice to hear. I have no giant illusions about school, other than thinking of it as a vacation. It will give me new knowledge and new tools and it will compliment my capacity to wing it.