I am a documentary filmmaker

I need to make a commitment to something, to this. To being a documentary filmmaker, i don’t know what else there is.  I can’t imagine what i’m supposed to do other than this. I keep getting in my way, coming up with all the reasons why being a documentary filmmaker is something other people will do, but it’s not. It is something i will do. I want to tell true stories. I want to tell stories that move people, that tell them “I understand, I think were fucked too”.  I don’t know how to make it better, i just know that we can’t keep this thing going, and we can’t keep congratulating ourselves for cleaning up messes we made. I feel bombarded in the media by all the hypocrisy and the muddiness.  In a time when we are being shoved with falsely hopeful messages, true stories are crucial, the truest stories we can tell. I have”truth is relative” going off in my head.  My truth i guess.  

I still wonder why i feel the need to do this. How much of it is messed with childhood stuff and the need to save. I was advised that everything i do will always be both; messed up childhood stuff and an inherent part of my being. So I need to do this because of when i was 6, when i was 13, when i was 24, when i was 33, and now at 41, because of all those times and the ones in between when i looked at the world and saw the things that were wrong and wanted to respond, felt i needed to, couldn’t ignore it, and I can’t now.


One response to “I am a documentary filmmaker

  1. Yes you are. Vancouver has been waiting for you to tell its story. We have been waiting for you to tell Vancouver’s story.

    I really don’t believe everything you do will always be a culmination of your messed up childhood and your inherent self. Our spirits are powerful. In a way, I think you know this too.

    I imagine, Vancouver, your film, will be a metaphor- for our (your) own personal journey(s) as well as a reflection on our current global devastation and efforts to heal.

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