What a difference a day makes

Or what a difference an acupuncture treatment with hot stones and moxibustion makes. I had an amazing treatment yesterday. I felt so relaxed, deeply relaxed. I felt less angry, less sad, soft and lighter. My computer crashed yesterday, and I just couldn’t get too freaked out, that was before the treatment, so maybe I was just ready to feel different. I got reminded that all my perogy eating right now is comfort and I need a lot of comfort right now. So last night on my way back from acupuncture, I wandered through downtown, and it looked pretty. I went to the mac store to set up an appointment to get my computer fixed, got a bunch of smelly stuff for the bath and a face mask at Lush. Lightning was filling the sky and I made it back just in time. I had a bath, made more perogies, had a face mask, and watched episodes of Ugly Betty on youtube. My mom called, and she told me she feels like fighting for herself. I felt lighter when she said it, and skeptical with a bit of curiosity as to how she may change through all this. Maybe she’ll tap in to something in herself she didn’t know she had. Yesterday reminded me that change is often subtle, and slow. It takes a while to work into your system because there are so many forces fighting it. I don’t want to go back to how I was. I can’t. It always feels like death, changing. I guess because you lose parts of yourself. You lose people, or you lose how you were with them and the awkward kind of comfort it had. I really want to be better for myself and more genuine with the people in my life, and the people who will come in to my life. Sometimes I write things and I either don’t believe myself or something doesn’t feel right about it, but it often ends up in here anyway. Me wanting to be better for myself and others is one of those lines. I have such a distorted vision of myself, probably because I spend so much time in my head. I could already be who I think I should be and not even know it.

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